Eloise
Do you live with a narcissist? I've got a few of them around ...
A narcisist and criticism
Something you don't like? Has the light in front of the garage been missing for years? Arrived a few hours late to a family party or not at all? Did he bark at your parents?
Well, just try telling the narcissist off. But if you were planning a quiet evening, a visit to the movies or the theater, or perhaps even romantic lovemaking, then forget about it altogether and plan a stew of unspecified (usually longer) duration until you yourself come up with an apology that your critical response was overblown, inappropriate, and not based on objective reality but your delusions. If the narcissist did such a thing, it was due to external circumstances beyond his control putting obstacles in his way.
You certainly won't make a mistake by making a promise to try to better yourself in the future in the sense of learning to at least minimally control your emotions and statements. But be warned: your self-deception must appear sincere. At the hint of jest or irony, the narcissist will take notice and the situation may get worse (the partner's sulking will extend indefinitely).
The lesson?
Leave criticism COMPLETELY out of your repertoire of mutual communication. Rely on your ingenuity.
The light outside the house
When you spontaneously wriggle out somewhere because you sprained your foot on a too-high heel, later present it at home as a nighttime developing injury from yesterday's trip to the garage, explaining that if the damn moon had been shining more, you wouldn't have to limp around now and bother him to get something from the stairs to the attic or basement (and you need items from both places right now).
Delay (any delay)
,,Honey, I know you are TERRIBLY BUSY (unlike you, who from his point of view are certainly doing NOTHING, or possibly NOTHING IMPORTANT), so we'll make it so that at the agreed time of the start of the party next time, I and all the relatives will simply arrive wherever you need to be urgently. The place doesn't matter, the important thing is that we all like each other and there is plenty of room in your office and we won't do a big mess."
Barking at your parents
Don't even bother, he won't remember and will do it again.
Narcissistic properties
A narcissist doesn't look ordinary like the others. He deeply despises the ordinary, which stems from the fact that his personality is by no means ordinary. On the contrary, as he noticed long ago, he is somehow naturally superior to others in everything.
First of all, his appearance. Narcissus is the most beautiful of all.
Is he a man? Then he's the most flamboyant, spending at least five hours a week in the gym. If he doesn't enjoy the gym, he pins a massive gold chain around his neck and the feeling of perfection comes too, regardless of the width or narrowness of his chest. Even the navel can be hidden under a flowy designer T-shirt so that confidence doesn't suffer. On the nose, blackout glasses worth the price of a used car and Who's more?
Is it a woman? She'll be obsessed with her physique and sport it to a faint. Especially where there's a substantial audience. A climbing wall is ideal. Unlike women in looser cargo pants who climb for their own pleasure, a narcissist will generally wear tight shorts and a sexy top so that her figure, cut high in the straps from below, will attract as many male stares as possible. Of course, it's a good idea to put on make-up before any sport, including striking eye shadow and a properly coloured cheek, even before a mass run or skiing session, after all, resistive make-up can withstand sweat streaks.
Secondly, the narcissist is the smartest of all.
Intelligence, charm, charisma, acumen, logic, judgment, insight, general outlook....? You can't beat him. He knows everything best, by sight and spontaneity. He doesn't need to justify any of his observations. They become general truths as soon as he utters them, unless they were already general truths by virtue of his having uttered them before elsewhere and all present admiringly spreading them forth as a memorandum.
A narcissist looks up to leaders and so will parrot the views of his Prime Minister, President or President of the European Commission. Is some politician being dehumanised by the local media? Then the narcissist faints at the mention of his name. They need to show their superiority better than others: 'Trump? Oh no, oh ghost, oh killer." The narcissist has never seen him, hasn't done a personal, economic or political analysis of his governing agenda, but he knows this for sure. Like everything about everyone. Thus, to beat the narcissist argumentatively is impossible. In his repertoire of triumphant endings to a debate not going in his favour are slogans like , "I won't listen to this anymore!" "You're out of your mind!" "I don't know where you got that idea, but it's bullshit." "I'm sick of this!" The obligatory part of these slogans is the simultaneous rising from the chair and contemptuous departure not only from the table but also from the room. In some of the more serious cases, from the house and the village.
If a narcissist suspects that someone's intelligence is approaching his own (even this is emotionally threatening to him), he will either test the person in question for something that guarantees him the certainty of his failure, since it is absolutely outside the sphere of his professional focus or interests: ''By the way, do you know what the capital of the Chinese province of Guangdong is? You have no idea, do you? I'll give you one more chance. What are the major watercourses that are the basis of the Ivory Coast's water economy?" ...and then shows his disdain for the person in question, for example, by sighing: "I knew you wouldn't know." (thus at the same time praising himself for having guessed correctly and experiencing a double satisfaction),
or he doesn't linger on the tirade and says: "Did you end up in psychotherapy as a result of our cohabitation? I expected that, because it was clear from the beginning that you were crazy."
Well, if someone's crazy about a narcissist, then they'll probably stay crazy.